Art by Maxner12/Eggcellent
Story by Patrigue

Ugh such a pain to wake up before the alarm. Fuck off trace of sunlight directly on my face. White noise of ceiling fan turning turning turning take me back to the dreamy depths of the REM cycle before the ringity ring of modern technology forces today to start. What time is it anyway where is my phone is that a six or a nine or a number at all blurring into my eyes? All I know is that I’m late… wait I’m late?

I’m late! The math test the book report the oral presentation I need to get up and get these blankets off of me and has my morning wood always been this long and veiny? If this is a symptom of sleeping in the nude I should ditch sleepwear altogether. Slap slap focus birdbrain no time to rub one out. Get showered get breakfast get dressed. Just rinse up in the closet snack on your dresser and put on whatever clothes you can find that aren’t wet or full of bite marks…

SHITSHITSHITFUCKFUCKFUCKWHATHAPPENEDTOMYCLOTHESWHYNOWOFALLTIMESFUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

Wait I can borrow some of Dad’s clothes we’re about the same size he’ll understand. No time to explain just run out the door and head to his room across the beach.

Oh, the sun is warm and the sand is soft thank goodness for the summer. No wonder the beach is so crowded today, lots of umbrellas and coolers all over. And swimsuits green red black white violet orange with a white stripe down the seam rosy patterns one piece and two piece speedo and trunks. Weird how everyone is wearing swimsuits on a nude beach why would they bother with them?

Whatever at least I’m undressed for the occasion even if everyone seems to be staring and blushing and not helping little Pat go down. Seriously have I always been this thick and bouncy down there or are their eyes playing tricks on me? Haven’t they seen a naked person running to his dad’s room for clothes before taking a math test before it’s almost like this isn’t a nude beach after all.

No if clothing was mandatory I would’ve gotten dressed before I started my jog. If you peeping toms wanna stare then go ahead watch my ass jiggle with every leap. My cock will bounce and throb and leak as much as you random perverts desire this is what is the unbridled joy of public nudity looks like and I dare any of you fuckers to try and take it away from me because I’m free!

Shed those clothes shed those inhibitions. Let the sun kiss your skin the wind tickle your fur feathers scales the sand massage your toes and the eyes of everyone enhance your exhibitionist elation. Fellate your friends cunniligue your comrades frot your fellow beachgoer!

Perfect perfect everyone I’ll see you all at the orgy. The orgy! I’m late for the orgy. Runrunrunrunrun pray Perci and Andrew didn’t start without me she wanted to try double penetration for the first time I can’t disappoint her.

Where did this cliff come from has it always been here my goodness I can see everything from up here. There they are the friends the benefits the love all over kiss and touch and fondle and finger and stroke and fuck!

Black and white I finally spot them curse this cliff. So I’m going to have to jump. Here I come darlings catch me in your sweet embrace and let me fill you.

Wait what where is that sound coming from? No no not the ringity ring anything but that please just five more minutes in paradise falling into her falling into black fur black submission black abyss…

Hold on my eyes are closed.

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Pat winced at the blaring of his phone’s alarm clock, the default ring at max volume. Reaching up and out of bed for the snooze button, he took note of his surroundings. His clothes hung in his closet, dry and uneaten. Outside his window a pale, snowy landscape illuminated his dim college dorm. The clock on his phone clearly read 9:01AM. And as far as he could recall, finals didn’t start for another week.

The only remnants left from his unhinged unconsciousness were his state of nudity and his throbbing erection, which was currently staining his bed.

“Ugh, seriously? Why is there so much?”

Pat knew his ejaculations were above average, but this instance of emissions certainly wasn’t white enough to count as a wet dream. Was he truly able to leak this much pre-cum in his sleep?

The only reason the avian ditched his typical sleepwear was at Perci’s suggestion, as well as the convenience of his roommate spending the week in India for a family wedding. While the comforter did feel pleasurable across his form, the mess before him had him doubting whether or not his hormones would behave enough for him to enjoy it.

“Least I didn’t piss the bed,” he sighed, grabbing a bunch of tissues from his desk and cleaning it as best as he could. “Do I even have time to do laundry today?”

It was then he ed the still-falling snow beyond the curtained pane. The powdery fields were smooth and untouched, devoid of any other students rushing to class… or spotting the bird in all his bare glory, a possibility that brought his downstairs self to twitch. Tossing out the used tissues, he checked his phone again, this time for his email. Alas, multiple notifications from his professors had filled his inbox, all of them canceling their lectures thanks to the inclement weather.

“Hmm, guess I do.”

He grabbed the blankets and tossed them over the mattress before planting himself back on the bed. He considered closing the curtains for privacy, but it wasn’t like anyone was out there to begin with. Yes, the laundry had to get done eventually. However, the exhibitionist conure had more pulsing matters to attend to. Closing his eyes, he slipped a hand around his cock, and guided his mind back to that lovely nude beach.

“Let’s enjoy the wonderful weather, shall we?”